Time

6 months and all four seasons. Well a couple days shy of all four seasons... Regardless the time or weather, it seems as if it were yesterday I got the call that you took yourself out of all of our lives. I still believe I will drive home some day and see your red truck, hear you call me son, and make sure my life is in order. There is far too much to be typed out, talked about, or even thought about. I try to explain it but no words can even come close to explaining. Much like love leaves one speechless filled with feelings the human vocabulary hasn't yet discovered, I am the polar opposite, confused and lost with no end in site. I cant help but find reason to blame myself and ask the infamous question "what if?" I wrote you a poem, I read it daily hoping you'll hear:

I Wish

I wish I was a fly evading a hand

I wish I was a forrest fire destroying the land

I wish you could understand how I feel

I wish when I opened my eyes this wasn't real

I wish life would be like it once was

When my heart didn't hurt like it always does

I wish we could sit down and have a laugh you see

I wish we could be together just you and me

With the pull of a trigger you made it impossible for all

You couldn't talk to me, not even a call

I want it to be over, the sad and the hate

I still sit and wonder was it fate?

I wish someday you'll pull down the road

Take the stress off my shoulders, its more than a load

To see you again I'd give all that I had

Thanks for being there, just like a dad

To the best stepfather I could have ever asked for, Miss you Rusty