Hope

Dreams come by the dozen at night, throughout the day, and keep us on a pursuit to accomplish goals as we go through life. But at what point do we stop dreaming? How many dreams must be shattered before we give up? Getting our hopes up happens multiple times a day. I hope I do well on an exam, I hope I get an interview with some company, hell I even hope I make a good meal for dinner. Whats been happening lately, in my life, is that all of these hopes and dreams continuously get beat down and shoved out the window. I feel like a paperclip, bent back and forth... back and forth... just waiting for the final bend, where I break. Break apart and stop dreaming. Stop hoping for this, or hoping for that. I will just be. Be content with what happens with even more of a "Who gives a fuck" attitude.

At first I thought I was building character, thickening up my skin and building a stronger backbone. I am now feeling as though it is all a waste of my time. I will continue to strive to become a stronger person, a person that can persevere, just like we all should.  But there are no guarantees, just like everything in life.

Listen to someones story. Give them the time of day. Hear them out. It could change their outlook and make them believe.

Time

6 months and all four seasons. Well a couple days shy of all four seasons... Regardless the time or weather, it seems as if it were yesterday I got the call that you took yourself out of all of our lives. I still believe I will drive home some day and see your red truck, hear you call me son, and make sure my life is in order. There is far too much to be typed out, talked about, or even thought about. I try to explain it but no words can even come close to explaining. Much like love leaves one speechless filled with feelings the human vocabulary hasn't yet discovered, I am the polar opposite, confused and lost with no end in site. I cant help but find reason to blame myself and ask the infamous question "what if?" I wrote you a poem, I read it daily hoping you'll hear:

I Wish

I wish I was a fly evading a hand

I wish I was a forrest fire destroying the land

I wish you could understand how I feel

I wish when I opened my eyes this wasn't real

I wish life would be like it once was

When my heart didn't hurt like it always does

I wish we could sit down and have a laugh you see

I wish we could be together just you and me

With the pull of a trigger you made it impossible for all

You couldn't talk to me, not even a call

I want it to be over, the sad and the hate

I still sit and wonder was it fate?

I wish someday you'll pull down the road

Take the stress off my shoulders, its more than a load

To see you again I'd give all that I had

Thanks for being there, just like a dad

To the best stepfather I could have ever asked for, Miss you Rusty

Fantastic

Get this NOW

Rappers come and go. Some people love them, others hate them. I do believe that everyone can nod their head and appreciate a good beat with something lyrically inclined. What happens when you cross an early NWA type beat with new age electronic sounds? You get a heart pounding beat that you cant help but feel throughout your body. Sprinkle in real raps, about real gangster life in LA. What do you get? "westcoastsynthesizerbeachbumgangstermusic" spoken real by Killer Reese One. The beats are done by Troublemaker, and the mixtape is called "King Fantastic" and it should be in your downloads right now. Put on some headphones, dre beats if possible so nothing can interrupt, walk around the city or around campus and listen. Just listen, dont think about anything... soon enough you will realize in some way or another, you connect with King Fantastic. You can relate to his words. He is real and wants you to know it and doesnt want you to regret sticking with him. Gangster never left. 

Enjoy